Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Shouldnt Be

(disclaimer: This is a boring post. One I have used to hash out my feelings about old news. In all honesty I wouldn't suggest anyone else read this. I selfishly used this post to remind myself and revise my previously stated opinions.)
I'm writing just to write today. I shouldn't be. I should be doing the 9 million things that are on my to do list right now as a result of the mass amount of time soccer is taking up but... I choose to write. The real reason I am blogging is because of my dear friend Kira Dee. When I got home from my run with the boys this morning I sat down at the computer to find a blog post from her. She is getting to the end of her pregnancy and isn't sleeping, is totally miserable.. you know, the usual.
She will be having her 4th baby in a hospital. The first three were home births but due to circumstances beyond her control she will be heading to a hospital for this one. She is  one tough chica and is going without the pain meds again on this one. What does this have to do with me? Nothing. Nothing at all actually except it got me thinking about this post. I wrote this post shortly after delivering Ike in the spring. It talks about the epidural and I think my actual words were "give me the drugs" or something to that effect.
My thoughts have changed... well... sorta. You see, when I went into labor with Ike I was really unprepared. The thought of going drug free had crossed my mind but I hadn't made any decisions. And despite having  two previous children I really didn't know much about labor. When you have an epidural it kind of prevents you from feeling what is really going on. I'm a loser and don't read up on these things. I was essentially going in to this blind even though I had been through it all before I hadn't REALLY been through it all. (if that makes any sense)
When I hit the transitional part of labor I had NO clue what was going on. I had never felt that change before. I mean the first part of labor was hard, sure. It hurt, definitely but then I hit those transition contractions....
I did even know this was a part of labor. I thought you just had contractions and they got closer together and you dilated and then you pushed a baby out. The end. Transitioning was intense and me being really uneducated about it was a bad idea. In my mind I was thinking that: 1. something was wrong (i couldnt even catch my breath and I was drenched in sweat. A world apart from my basically sleeping throught labor with Pep or watching a Man vs. Wild marathon with AnDee) or 2. This could last for hours. I didnt know I was at the end of it. I didnt know that this was a good sign cause my body was ready for the very last part of the whole process.
Im fairly certain that I would not have asked for any meds had I known this. The fact that I didnt know this made me nervous and the nervousness made me want the easy way out. Plus if we are being honest the meds didn't do anything until after I had already delivered and then I just had numb legs for no reason.
Does this change my opinion on epidurals? No. Not really. I think they are great! I dont regret having the peaceful comfortable births I had with my first two.
My only regret with Ike is that I didn't take the time to educate myself. It was my own fault that I felt that little bit of nervousness at the end. 
Will I get an epidural if/when I have my next baby?  I don't know really. I guess I will have to see what feels right for that particular situation. However, I do know that I absolutely can do it without the meds if I choose to and it wont be scary because now I know. I should have known before but now I really do know. Knowing is a very important part of the process.


  1. Ha! I inspired a whole post? Go me ;). I understand what you mean though. I thought I was educated with Liam. I wasn't, and when I transitioned I panicked and thought I was going to die. With the other two those transitions were almost a relief (if you can have relief with that pain) because i knew I was almost done, and my body was doing what it was suppose to. :)

  2. I have been catching up on your blog and this really caught my eye since I'm pregnant with #2. I have thought about this a lot, because I also experienced said transition and that's when I agreed to have the epidural. Now I wish I hadn't. I knew it was transition and that the labor was almost done, but I wondered how in the world I could still push out a baby. I wish I would have let my body figure that out, because I feel like it slowed my labor down and made it way more complicated than it should have been. Who knows if things would have felt differently had I gone all natural, but like you said, it's nice to know your outlook.