The big day

I'm not gonna lie, the last few days have been rough. I'm emotional. It didn't hit me until Sunday when some lady in relief society started talking about when she had her brain tumor removed and how scary it was. That's when reality set in and I got nervous. Monday was our anniversary. 8 years (are we really that old?) we really didn't do anything special. We took the kids up the canyon but mostly we just spent time together, hid out together and had a whole day where it was just our little family with no distractions.  Andrew had a chat with AnDee about his surgery. She simply replied in a very adult manner by calmly telling him that she didn't want him to go and wasn't going to let him. She became quite emotional after he explained that he had to go and she couldnt stop him. She has had some issues with insecurity since the move anyway (which is why I pulled her out of preschool but that's another story) but this sent her in to emotional hyper drive. Tears. Lots and lots of tears. Not much sleep though. She keeps herself awake cause she's afraid we are gonna "leave her" if she falls asleep. Yesterday she said to me "mom, I really don't want dad to have things shoved in his head. It will make me sad" I'm kind of scared to bring her to see him because I'm afraid that the hospital and the tubes and wires will terrify her. Especially when daddy looks like he's basically been run over by a truck. Fortunately Pep is little enough and mellow enough that he hasnt been too upset by it all. 

We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 this morning. By the time we had to part ways it was almost 7. I went straight in to the bathroom and had an emotional breakdown. If you are going to have a brain tumor this is the kind to have (or so I'm told) the tumor itself isn't life threatening, just makes life miserable. Surgery generally goes well and 2 out of 3 people who have a pituitary tumor removed never have it come back. But... It was explained to us that although complications are rare, they are almost always very serious when they do. You know... Permanent brain damage, death... Those sort of things. I'm pregnant... My emotional melt down was justified, right? So what did I do? Naturally I texted Dave and Dyl. If Andrew is not available they are always the first people I turn to. Within 45 mins I had both of them sitting next to me, eating kneeders breakfast and seriously laughing so hard it hurt. Within another half hour, my mom was there too. She skipped out of her shift at the temple early to come sit with me. Pam is at my hose watching the kiddos and I have already had a number of texts asking how Andrew is and how they can help. Not to mention the blessing he received from my dad and his last night. The people in my life are incredible. I am completely incapable  of expressing how grateful I am for the family and friends I have.  And for the gosple and the preisthood that has brought so much peace through all the craziness.

Surgery is over. No brain damage. No death. The Doctor said he had a really weird shaped head (ok maybe it wasnt the whole head but that's what I heard) and so they had a bit of a time getting through but once they got passed that, everything went perfectly. I'm sitting here next to him now. I'm no good at this... For those of you who have serious health problems or have loved ones that do, my heart goes out to you. It is SO hard to sit here with him and see how pale he is with is face all bandaged and tears involuntarily slipping from his red puffy eyes. This has been a real reality check for me  gave me just a little taste of what life could be like without him and how much he really means to me. Its also been just a little test of faith for me I have a bit of a hard time just turning things over to my Father in Heaven. But as he always does, he has proved to me that I have no reason not to trust him completely. But would I be saying these same things if things hadn't gone so smoothly? Lucky for me and my lack of faith, He is fine, I know he is and soon they will take the oxygen off of him and by tomorrow he will be able to even hold a real conversation but right now it's like the life has been completely sucked out of him and I am NO good at sitting here watching it. That being said... I am breathing a huge sigh of relief right now. The scary part is over and it's only going to get better from here. Thanks to all of you for your support and prayers.